WunWeg’s Dying Light Review

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This game taught me many things about real life:
Episode 1: I was locked out of my house last week, and I realized I had a paper clip and pocket knife in my car. I figured, “this will be a cinch” I started to pick my lock: click, click. Sh%#. Paper clip broke. Yep, lock is ruined.
*Hops wall, grabs key from under mat, and enters through back door*
Wife: “Why the hell did you come in from the back?” Me: “I locked myself out” Wife: “Why didn’t you just knock?” Me: “I’ve been trying to learn parkour.” *parkour into back room* Pursuit evaded.

Episode 2: I have to take the trash out, but it’s getting dark outside. Wife: “the trash is still overflowing” Me: “True, but its almost dark. I don’t think I can risk it.” Wife: “Risk what?” Me: *looks at couch; chooses to wait until morning*
I wake up. Wife: “now that it’s light out, how about that trash?” Me: “HELL YEAH. DOING IT!” *Grabs machete out of closet; ties up trash bag* Wife: “what the hell is with the sword?” Me: *parkour into front yard* Trash delivered. I feel stronger.

Episode 3: It’s night time. Wierd noise on roof. Feeling unusually brave, I grab my new teddy bear (aka my machete) from under my pillow. Using my parkour skills I climb up my aluminum rain gutter. Rain gutter buckles under my weight and I crash to the ground. Startled, the cat on my roof scampers away. Mission accomplished.

Episode 4: My wife and I make dinner. I am cutting vegetables with a Hardened Beef Cleaver. I go to the bedroom and grab my Machete. I lay the Machete and Beef Cleaver on the counter. Me: “Which of these is better?” Wife: “For what? Why have you been acting so wierd lately?” Me: “Agreed.” *Chops carrots with machete*

11/10 Would take this course again in the Spring.

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One Response to WunWeg’s Dying Light Review

  1. Pingback: Dying Light Review (Story): The Following | Zee Modern Nerd

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