Dear Fellow Nerds,
People are criticizing this game’s length. DO NOT BY THIS GAME FOR STORYMODE, which is OK, but nothing special in of itself. Buy this game if you want to play an FPS puzzler. Every move you make is a strategic action which will effect the outcome of the challenge. Anyway, there isn’t much more to say that can’t be better shown through their launch trailer. SO, why not give y’all some laughs? Enjoy.
After playing this game for several hours, something in my brain has shifted:
Episode 1: Wife: “Honey, are you feeling alright?” Me: “Yeah, what’s up?” Wife: “You are just standing in the kitchen…” Me: “Yeah, I’m cooking breakfast…what’s odd about that?” Wife: “But you aren’t moving…the eggs are going to burn.” *holds up hand* Me: “They are burning because you are moving!” Wife sits down on the couch and opens a magazine.
*stands motionless, holding pan; flips eggs; leaps to cupboard; grabs plates; turns* Pan is smoking like a Willie Nelson concert. Me: “DAMMIT, TOO MANY MOTIONS” *Throws pan into sink* Pan shatters; sink throws me a bowl; *throws bowl into sink* Bowl shatters, sink shatters. Me: “At least I have that…” SUPER, HOT, SUPER, HOT, SUPER, HOT
Episode 2: I am at work. I walk step by step to the water cooler, noticing that everyone moves as I move. I reach the water cooler, and my boss walks in. Boss: “Hiya, J—–Y. How was the weekend?” Me: “ONLY MOVE WHEN I MOVE!” Boss: “What?” But he stops moving. *takes a step* Boss takes a step *takes another step* Boss takes a step toward me. *Raises hand.* Boss raises hand. *Jumping high five* Boss is confused, I land on his face. Me: “Good try, Tony. Maybe next time.” SUPER, HOT, SUPER, HOT, SUPER, HOT
Episode 3: Eating dinner. A fly lands on my food. Me: “OH YOU’LL PAY, YOU BUZZING B@$%@RD” Fly: “Bzzzz” Fly lands on the wall. *Grabs bottle from the table; lines up shot.* We both freeze. *hurls it.* Bottle shatters against the wall. Fly: “Bzzzz” lands on the kitchen counter. *Looks around. Grabs cell phone* Me: “Good thing I paid extra for this case.” *Chucks phone* Phone skips off the counter and into my computer monitor. The monitor cracks like it’s been waterboarded. Fly: “Bzzzzzzzz” lands on the sliding glass door. Me: “I AM GOING TO SUPER HOT YOUR FACE OFF!” *Rips TV from wall mount* TV screams through the air like a missle. Everything explodes like a MF’ing Vin Diesel movie. Me: “BYAAAAAAW. ENJOY YOUR FIERY GRAVE!”
My wife returns from the other room with a fly swatter. Wife: “What the hell happened in here?” Me: “Took care a BUSINESS” Wife: “Why? Just why?” Me: ‘Cuz… SUPER, HOT, SUPER, HOT, SUPER, HOT, SUPER…” Fly: “Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz”